I’m a bit (alot) of a Gottman fan.
Remember there is no such thing as a perfect relationship, just as there is no such thing as a perfect person.
Yes, there might be moments that are ‘perfect’ but the day to dayness of maintaining a healthy relationship takes constant attention & work. It won’t keep cruising along if you don’t pay it any attention day to day or if only one person is trying to do the work for both in the relationship.
No one else really knows what’s it like to be in an intimate relationship with another person until they are actually in it. Try not to do the ole ‘relationship comparison’ especially if basing your assumption of others relationships according to their social media feeds.
Relationships aren’t easy. Let’s be honest, sometimes they totally suck…but if both people are motivated to understand each other, each others vulnerabilities & work towards a common goal respectfully, the crap parts of a relationship will hopefully reduce & not take up so much blood sucking energy.
Repost The Gottman Institute
• • • • • • • • • • • •
“Speaking our feelings and fears requires a willingness to be vulnerable.
Despite what some people say, there is no such thing as constructive criticism. Even in healthy relationships with high levels of trust and intimacy, expressing needs in a negative way can trigger a person to become defensive and protect themselves from an attack, blocking the resolution of a conflict.
If your end-goal is to feel more heard and understood by your partner during conflict, you’ll need to focus on setting the criticism aside, bring vulnerability into the conversation, and express your positive needs.
Doing this for your partner is the equivalent of creating an instructional guide to winning and keeping your heart.
It’s also important to not wait for conflict to happen to be vulnerable and express your wishes in a positive way. For example, by saying, “Please slow down your driving so I can feel safe,” rather than, “Are you trying to get into an accident?! Slow down!” you give your partner an understanding of why you’re feeling the way you are, rather than blaming them for what you’re feeling.”